why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
