Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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