I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
