dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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