11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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