I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
