Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
