im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
