Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize
