Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
