and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
This is the high leading the old right now
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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