Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
