I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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