I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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