I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
