You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
