I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
