I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
