If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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