you're like a bully in the Christmas story
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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