birth control should be required to get into college
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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