I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
