Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
How does it feel to date your dad?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
