i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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