You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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