my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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