Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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