my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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