Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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