he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
