Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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