So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
