AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
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