dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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