So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
