Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
