so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
well you can't waste a boner
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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