His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
