Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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