The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
