I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
