A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Are we still banned from the library?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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