At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
