I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
