turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
