community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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