Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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