Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
