i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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