I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
