having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
