Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
