She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
